Ever Felt Trapped in a Relationship Game of Push-and-Pull? There’s a Scientific Reason Why You Can’t Stop Chasing What’s Running Away.
- Sep 5, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 7, 2025
This Article Is Available In
You know that feeling, right? You're in a relationship that feels like a constant game of emotional tag. The more you lean in, the more your partner pulls away. But the moment you finally decide to walk away, they suddenly reappear, all emotionally available and ready to reconnect. It’s a frustrating and utterly confusing cycle. You're not imagining things, and it's definitely not just you. This dramatic push-and-pull dynamic is surprisingly common, and as it turns out, there’s some fascinating science behind it.
The answer lies in something called attachment theory. Developed way back in the 1950s by British psychologist John Bowlby, this theory suggests that the emotional bonds we form as babies with our primary caregivers, usually our mothers, lay the groundwork for how we interact with others for the rest of our lives. Basically, your childhood relationships created a blueprint for how you handle intimacy and connection as an adult.
Bowlby proposed that if a child feels safe and knows their caregiver is consistently there for them, they develop what's called a secure attachment. This “secure base” allows them to confidently explore the world. But if that caregiver is unreliable or unavailable, a child develops an insecure attachment style. This is where things get interesting, because this insecurity can manifest in two very different ways.
